The Lives and Tales of Aperture Staff
by angel-of-the-assbutts
Summary: Book 1 is Cave, Book 2 is Caroline/GLaDOS, Bookm 3 is Chell, Book 4 is Wheatley. Basically parts of each major charater's life. Rated M for language and some violence; I really don't know how ratings work. Also, I do not own Portal or any of its characters; Valve does.
1. Cave Childhood

"Hello! This is the author speaking. As you can see, this is a new story. It will be ALL dialogue and will be several 'books' long, each 'book' following a different person. All story announcements will be this font (Book, part, character, etc.)."

* * *

"Book 1: Cave; Part one: childhood and teens"

"**But I don't wanna go to school, mom! Everyone makes fun of me because of my name!"**

"_That'll pass, Cave. Not all kids are as mature as you are at this age. Besides, if you don't go to school you'll never learn anything."_

"**I already know what they're teaching. It would be of good use if I could just skip several grades."**

"_I wish you could, but that's not fair for the other smart kids if only you get to skip."_

"**Alright, mom."**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"Hello there, Cave"

"**What do you want, principle Marson?"**

"Well, the school has decided to bump you up a grade since you are so gifted. That means you'll be entering middle school for the rest of this year."

"**Awesome!"**

'I'm glad you're excited about this."

"**Hell yeah!"**

"Cave?"

"**Sorry. Yes, sir."**

"Much Better"

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

_"Cave, you're soooooo smart! Thank you for coming to my place and helping me and my friends."_

"Yeah Cave, thank you!"

"You really know everything!"

"**Um, no problem, it really wasn't any trouble."**

"Well, Tiff, Kristen and I have to go."

"Yeah, we have cheer tryouts!"

_"Okay, lates!"_

"**I'll go too."**

_"Nah, I wanna ask you some things."_

"**What?"**

_"Geez Cave, you don't have to be so pushy! I was going to ask you what you were going to do with such a HUGE brain."_

"**How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm in 8****th**** grade."**

_"Well if I had known you were in such a bad mood I wouldn't have invited you here."_

"**How am I in a bad mood?"**

_"Just you forget it! I worked so hard to create a proper mood and you have to go and ruin it."_

"**What mood?"**

_"Just go!"_

_"Sister…"_

_"Get out of my room, Caroline!"_

_"I apologize."_

_"You too, Cave!"_

"**Alright, I'm leaving!"**

_"Oops; please excuse me."_

"**It's no problem, that was my fault."**

_"I enjoyed what you were teaching my sister. Science is my favorite subject."_

"**Really? Okay; if someone drilled a hole from the north pole to the south pole, where would they stop falling?"**

_"Suppose you drilled a shaft from the North Pole, through the center of the Earth, to the South Pole, and jumped in. For simplicity, assume we also evacuate this shaft of all material, so that it is a vacuum and no resistive forces act. Also assume the Earth is an exact sphere with constant density, while we're at it. At first, you fall just as you would expect, since the vast majority of Earth's mass is below you, pulling you down. However, the further you fall, more and more of the Earth is above you, until you reach the center, where exactly as much is above as below. At this point, the gravitational force you experience is zero. This does not mean you stop once you reach the center. In fact, you're falling fastest at that point. At the instant you're at the center of the Earth, nothing is pushing or pulling on you, but you still have all the speed you gained in falling from the surface to the center. Once you pass the center of the Earth, the same process starts happening in reverse - more and more of the Earth's mass is above you, creating a greater upward pull in slowing you down. In fact, the fall through the bottom half will be the mirror image of the fall through the top half, until you finally stop at the South Pole. However, you only stop for one instant. Once you are stopped, the whole Earth is still above you, and so you start to accelerate upward toward the Earth. You'll then fly "up", living the process in reverse until you hit the North Pole, and so on. You are doomed to a perpetual bouncing between the poles, like a bouncy ball. Total trip time from pole to pole? About 40 minutes"._

"**Very good. You'll make a good physicist one day."**

_"You think so?"_

"**Sure do."**

_"I think you're going to be really famous one day, the way you think. You'll probably end up inventing crazy things like Artificial Intelligence."_

"**Nah, I'll probably end up working at some sort of factory"**

_"The world would be missing out if you did. Well, I must be going now. Don't want my sister yelling at me."_

"**I should go too. I'll see you later, Caroline."**

_"Farewell, Mr. Cave."_

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"Hey, that call was for you Cave. You're brother's at the hospital."

"**Alright."**

"I don't get how you ended up so smart and he's such an idiot."

"**He's not related to me, my parents adopted him. Besides, he's not that dumb."**

"He got his hand stuck in a mousetrap trying to get the cheese."

"**Give him a break; he's had a rough life."**

"So has everyone; no need to be a baby about it."

"**Let's just leave it. I should be getting to the hospital anyways."**

"Alright."

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"_Cave, we're going to move to Boston soon."_

"**Why?"**

"_Well, since you'll be going to MIT soon, we thought it'd make it easier for us to visit you."_

"**That's the reason I chose MIT, to have a fresh start."**

"_I know, sweetie, but this isn't just about you. It's also about your brother. In light of what happened recently, your father and I have decided that getting him out of this area is the best option. There's a nice boarding school not too far from Boston; Concord Academy. He can go there. It'll be a nice change for him."_

"**Why do you do so much for him? It's not like he's your son or anything."**

"_You know what he's been through. I'm only to make it easier for him. You could be nicer, you know. I bet you'd be the same way if those awful things had happened to you!"_

"**Mom, you know I protect him all the time."**

"_Of course, I'm sorry sweetie." _

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"And announcing this year's valedictorian; Cave Johnson. Congratulations!"

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"_Well, this is goodbye. I'll miss you, sweetie!"_

"**Mom, you can visit anytime."**

"_You're right. I love you, Cave."_

"**I love you too."**

"**I'm proud of you, son."**

"**Thanks, dad."**

"I guess you'll be leaving now. What do I do without you?"

"**Just be yourself. Don't worry, everything will be fine."**

"Alright."

"**Hey: Apple."**

"Apple."

"**Well, I should go. Goodbye, everyone!"**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"Welcome incoming freshman! School starts tomorrow, so make sure you take this time to get acquainted with the campus and make new friends."

"End of part 1. Part 2: Adulthood next chapter."

* * *

"Hello! As you can see, the format is fairly simple: _Girls,_ **Boys, **me/minor characters, the character I won't name until later because I want it to be secret and I have no clue what to name him. Also, some characters overlap; as seen with Cave and Caroline. As always, feel free to review or PM me."


	2. Cave Adulthood

"Book 1: Cave, part 2: Adulthood to death"

"A/N: So don't call me a moron, I'm super astute! There is no conundrum that my core cannot compute. No, don't call me a moron, you fostered balloon; my IQ's the infinite space from here to the moon!"

"…"

"Ahem, sorry about that, continue reading."

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"Please state your name"

"**Cave Johnson"**

"Why do you wish to purchase this plot of land?"

"**My job is getting nowhere, and I wish to start my own company."**

"What would this company do exactly?"

"**It would forward science by about a hundred years just by building it."**

"I'm listening."

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**Welcome to Aperture science, new recruits! I trust you already know where your offices are, so I'm not going to baby you, because that'll make you babies. Now move along, there's science to do."**

"Cave…"

"**Hey! I didn't know you got a job here."**

"Yeah, I couldn't have done it without your help."

"**Well, it was you who worked for it. Now, go on and get to work."**

"Yes, sir!"

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**These interviews are getting so tiring. Next!"**

"_Hello, I'm here for the- Cave?"_

"**Caroline? Well isn't that a coincidence!"**

"_I told you you'd be big someday! Now you're in charge of Aperture, only the greatest science company there is!"_

"**You think so?"**

"_Of course! It would be amazing if I could work here!"_

"**That would be possible."**

"_Really?"_

"**Yes, but we'd have to pretend we didn't know each other."**

"_Why?"_

"**The lab boys say that friendly relationships in a science environment are a bad thing. They'd probably sack you." **

"_I see. So, what do I do?"_

"**Just call me 'sir' and pretend we haven't met before."**

"_It's worth it, for science."_

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"Mr. Johnson?"

"**You can call me Cave. What is it?"**

"Well, Cave, the portal gun is ready for testing. The other lab boys wanted me to ask you if you wished to watch it."

"**Sure, show me the way. Caroline, why don't you come too?"**

"_Yes sir, Mr. Johnson!"_

"Alright, this way. Hello, Caroline."

"_Hello."_

"**I didn't know you two knew each other."**

"_We've met several times."_

"Yes. Now, we should get going. Don't want the other guys to get impatient."

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**Hey, there they are!"**

"**Space, you owe me five bucks."**

"**Rats has all my money."**

"**Then pay me later."**

"**Where are moron, rats, and the others?"**

"**Must've fallen behind. That or they're trying to find a better viewing spot in the rafters."**

"**Well, let's just get started. Ready, Mr. Johnson?"**

"**Ready."**

"Wait for me!"

"**There you are. Where are the others?"**

"How should I know? You told me to get Cave, and that's what I did!"

"**Space, that's another five."**

"**Come on!"**

"Why does Space owe you money, squints?"

"**Doesn't matter; let's do this. Bring the subject into the test chamber."**

"Opening test chamber doors."

"**Okay, who's talking to them?"**

"**It's Space's turn." **

"**Fine. Welcome to Aperture testing facilities and thank you for volunteering! In front of you there should be the Aperture Science Dual Portal Device. Please pick it up so testing can begin."**

"_Here we go."_

"**Thank you! Now please begin testing."**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**That went fairly well. Don't you think so, Cave?"**

"**Yes."**

"Are you kidding me? That person died from falling too far!"

"**Then you lab boys will invent some sort of boot that will keep that from happening."**

"**We'll get right on it."**

"**Good. Now, back to work. Come on Caroline."**

"_Yes, sir!"_

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**What's the financial situation?"**

"Well, with all the loss of our products to Black Mesa and with the law suits, the company is nearly bankrupt."

"**Well we need to fix that."**

"We're doing our best, sir!"

"**What we need is progress! We need something big. Get started on finding that thing."**

"Alright, sir."

"**These lab boys are going to kill the company."**

"_Is everything alright, sir?"_

"**No, it isn't Caroline. It is not alright at all."**

"_We could always fire them. That saves money."_

"**I like that idea."**

"_Really? There's more where that came from."_

"**I'm listening."**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**Caroline, your car's broken, right?"**

"_Yes, sir."_

"**Why don't I give you a ride? It should be on the way."**

"_Alright."_

"**Right, then get in."**

"_Okay."_

"**So, where do you live?"**

"_We don't need to pretend we don't know each other anymore. You know perfectly well where I live."_

"**Of course, I just forgot to stop the act."**

"_It's fine."_

"**Caroline?"**

"_Yes?"_

"**Open the glove box."**

"_Okay, why d- what is this Cave?"_

"**It's exactly what it looks like. What do you say?"**

"_Will we be able to without getting sacked?"_

"**Of course, it'll just be a secret."**

"_Then of course I will!"_

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**Sir, we do not have enough money to buy even seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seven million."**

"**I don't care, do it anyways."**

"**But, sir-"**

"**No 'buts' do it or you're fired."**

"**I'll put space on it."**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"***cough*Caroline, bring in the lab boys."**

"_Yes, sir."_

"You called us?"

"**Yes, sit down. Caroline, would you excuse us?"**

"_Of course, sir."_

"**Thank you. Now, I have a project for you boys."**

"**What is it?"**

"**Artificial Intelligence."**

"**It will take a while."**

"**I know, which is why I brought you here. If I die before you're done, you'll need an alternate. I want that to be Caroline."**

"Are you sure that's the best choice?"

"**Yes."**

"**Then we'll make sure it's done."**

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"**Caroline, come here a minute."**

"_Yes."_

"**As you know, I don't have long left."**

"_Mr. Johnson!"_

"**Listen! When I die, I'm putting you in charge of this place."**

"_No, nonono, I don't want this!"_

"**You and I both know you're the only one fit for the job."**

"_Now you listen! Those lab boys will not tear us apart! If you die, there is no way I'm letting myself be put into a robot."_

"**Please, Caroline."**

"_No! I'd rather die."_

"**If you won't do it for me then do it for science!"**

"_What?"_

"**Science is the only hope left. Giving up on science is kissing humanity goodbye! Please, Caroline, do it for the science!"**

"_Cave…"_

"**Please!"**

"_I understand, sir."_

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"End of book 1."

()~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~()

"A/N There we go, all done with Cave. Caroline is next. I bet you're dying to know who the stranger is. All I can tell you is he's not Space or Squints. Find out more on BOOK 2!"

"Do you hear the people sing? Singing the songs of angry men. It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again. When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes"


End file.
